Bruno and Ivo are LGBTQ+ adopters who live with their son, Keegan, who joined their family at the age of four, having been in the foster system for over two years.
After 16 years together, Bruno and Ivo felt it was the right time to start growing their family. The couple say that adoption made sense to them, because not only were they going to be building their family, they would also be changing the life of a child that had been placed into care. Keegan was able to find his forever family with Bruno and Ivo as a direct result of Coram’s Adoption Activity Days (AADs).
Bruno and Ivo started attending Coram’s AADs to find their perfect match and attended several of the events before meeting Keegan. They say: “It was one of the things that kept us motivated and positive about the whole process, not only because we were able to meet the children, but also other adopters. The team from Coram were also so supportive and positive on the AADs, so when we started to feel negative and like everything had come to a standstill, we would go to an AAD and come back thinking let’s do it, let’s keep on. Staff up and down the country were just fantastic, we built a close relationship with them and they just made this whole process so much easier”.
Bruno and Ivo felt it was helpful meeting Keegan at an AAD as it eliminated any doubts on whether it was the right match or not. They say: “The moment we met him it was magic, we knew he was the one”.
The couple feel that though it is beneficial to read through a child’s profile, it is a completely different experience having a child playing, smiling and talking in front of you. They say: “Everyone who adopts should be able to meet directly with a child like we did on the AAD, because that’s when you can really make up your mind and click with a child. Interaction with the children means that that special connection can be made on the day. It is also a good reminder that though there may be a lot of issues pointed out in the files, at the end of the day, it is just a child and there are also a lot of positives”.
After having met Keegan and played with him, Bruno and Ivo say: “When we said goodbye, he gave us a hug and asked if he was coming with us now. On the way back we kept talking about the cute and funny things that he did”.
Bruno and Ivo felt that the adoption process overall was demanding and tough at times, but they say: “If you really want it, keep at it and be firm with your decisions”.
The couple felt that though Keegan had been prepared for adoption and was aware of the idea of finding a forever family, the challenge was to reassure him that he had now found just that. Having already moved between a few foster families since a young age, Keegan was concerned he may have to move again. Bruno and Ivo say: “We had to make him understand that no matter what, we were forever.”
Once Keegan had come to live with Bruno and Ivo, they say: “Everything felt like magic, going out with him, going to the park, little things that he would do or say… we just fit together, we matched”.
Keegan speaks openly at school about having two dads and loves to do things with Bruno and Ivo – he is a happy child, full of energy.
Bruno and Ivo found that reading books with Keegan on LGBTQ+ families was helpful and would encourage others to do the same: “There are a lot of great books you can read with your children to show them that there are lots of different families, whether it be two mums, two dads, single mum, single dad etc.”
Since adopting Keegan, Ivo says: “Everything is about him in the best way possible; our lives revolve around him – holidays, time off… I’ll go out to buy some shoes for myself and start thinking ‘this will be good for Keegan’. Your mind just focuses on your child”.
Bruno says: “One day I wasn’t a dad and the next day I was – it’s been an amazing journey to parenthood. Children adapt so well – they just need to know that you’re going to be there forever. All the rest is just normal life. It’s hard to remember life before our son, everything changed for the better”.
Both Bruno and Ivo’s families live in Portugal and they travel there regularly. Keegan is a loved member of both his dads’ families and has a strong relationship with his cousins and grandparents. Since being adopted he has also become fluent in Portuguese.
Bruno and Ivo say: “If any LGBTQ+ couple or single person is looking to adopt they should go for it, it might get tiring and exhausting, but there are so many children needing a forever family and there’s a child for everyone. Don’t give up, keep motivated and be confident in yourself. Put your fears and doubts aside – the acceptance we’ve had as LGBTQ+ adopters has been incredible. You have to be resilient and persistent. You may feel a little doubt when showing interest, but be consistent. Being LGBTQ+ is no barrier.”
Bruno has since volunteered at Adoption Activity Days and says: “They helped me so much, I enjoy the days and I want to help others and be a part of it. I can play with the children and I can help adopters to be more relaxed and at ease, by sharing my story and reminding them that they are not alone. I wish I could go to more!”
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